All work and no Play

I need a job that actually pays me what I'm worth. Any ideas?

Going away for a while

In case you may have noticed, I have been somewhat absent lately. I work a full time job, freelance a couple more jobs and write for a few places. I have a house to keep and cats to feed. So here's the deal, where every so often i may still post the occasional shit on this here bloggy, you know, to let you know how much I miss you but the majority of my posts will now be split up on two, already existing (and totally awesome)sites.

SMILE FOR CAMERA
Along with show photos, reviews and write-ups already on the site. Smile for Camera will now host all my 'lifestyle' posts. This means all my sneakers, awesome clothing, cool gadgets, amazing artists and the like will all now be on SFC. Its a fun little blog, so go check it out. Especially if you live anywhere in Florida, (especially Orlando, Miami, West Palm Beach) and Georgia and just pretty much the south east united states.

THE REDUX
My Tumblr. Think of it as the etc. section of your filing cabinet. This nifty little blog is the shit, and is where you'll now find the cool shit i stumble on, random pictures I take and other varios miscellany that I know not where to place.

so that's that.

Orlando locals don't forget to check Don't Sleep Orlando as well for complete listings on what's going on around you!

A tiny plastic Container! I must put my head in it!

Why I love cats.

The Carphone Warehouse - A Brief History of Communication

Freaking amazing


History of communication from DesignTV on Vimeo.

Source

WTF is an Eye Tattoo?!?!

"Just when you think you can no longer be shocked by a body modification, along comes the eyeball tattoo"

Ouch. What is that supposed to be? Click the link (photo). Ouch. ew.

Source

Random Online Find

Click to Enlarge
source

1

Now that Haloween is over....

We begin to prepare ourselves for the upcoming week. Since i know that most of you don't know the first thing about time management, I decided to give you an early heads up of this week's amazing events.

First of all, here is your list of things to remember:

• Many people love to conserve gas, so call out of work a few days this week so you can get yourself around to all the cool shit going on.
• get plenty of sleep, take naps frequently throughout the day, sneak a snore in your office bathroom, learn to sleep with your eyes open
• start a multi-vitamin regimen. Believe me, you'll need it.

This week, ladies and gentlemen, get ready.

Tonight, Monday November 3:

Pauly Crush has a big heart, really he does. He acts all tough and cool and whatnot, but hes really just a nice guy. And he's proving it tonight, cuz All profits go to the Orlando's Creative School for Children. This is a great time for you to get sloshed for a good cause, so prepare yourself for an other wise frugal and take a few extra dollars with you for the benefit of some kids, yeah?

Get in FREE before 11 by signing up on the CRUSH Guest List before 8pm every Monday. Free Beer and cheap shot specials all night!

Wednesday, November 5thTotally Michael and MC Chris tear it up at The Social, along with Whole Wheat Bread. Doors at 8:00PM, $12.00, All Ages. If youre like me and can't really stand MC Chris, shut up, buy some earplugs and drink heavily. Totally Michael is totally Worth it.

Tickets available at the Social Box Office, the door, and Ticketmaster locations.

I should have an interview with him, so check back for more info on that. Attend the show, rock out, go home and get some sleep (Thursday would be one of those opportune days to call out of work - tell them the you're having manic depressive episodes and you think its because of the election, then sleep all day.


Thursday, November 6th

Remember being 15 and thinking you were the coolest shit in the world cuz you knew the words to peaches? yeah, relive your golden adolescence at the House of Blues with the freaking Presidents of the United States of America and appropriately celebrate the conclusion of the most fucked up election ever (regardless of who wins)

tickets will run you $18.50 - $53.00 and doors are at 7:00pm. All Ages welcome, check the website for info on where to buy tickets.

Friday, November 7th
Now, all that sleeping and not driving yourself to work pays off. Because Friday, you should drive your happy ass over to my hometown to hang out with the I Heart Comix crew at the Vagabond. Franki will once again roll through town with Toxie and Clayton in tow pretty much guaranteeing a night of debauchery for the rest of us.

Remember last time they were around? You do, vaguely. Maybe you shouldn't get so trashed at parties. Or maybe you should since it makes for entertainment for the rest of us.

See past Franki and Toxie galleries Here, Here and Here.

Saturday, November 8th
I strongly advise you sleep till at least 3 or 4 pm, eat a good nutritious meal (La Caretta and Taco bell are NOT considered nutritious) like around 5:50 and then get ready to head to Heathrow at 10 for MotherFucking Crookers.

Hosted by Bronques (yeah, that last night's party dude) and featuring our very own Pauly Crush, its bound to be a freaking fiasco, since a good chunk of O-town seems to be making the trip. Look for a write-up from Smile Contributor Vegas coming soon!

As always, KColl and I will be out and about, and for updates, interviews and whatever the hell else i feel like posting, you can always go check Smile For Camera!

So for now, let us share a moment of silent reflection, while we prepare ourselves for a fun fun intensive week!

BIRDS!!!!!!!!!!

WTF?!

1

NaNoWriMo, Graduation, The Slow Season

It has been a long month. October is one of those months were things just happen, and this year it was no different. My birthday, Atmosphere, Yelle, Kevin's Birthday, Midterm Assignments, sometimes it gets hard to keep up.

This month i have joined an international group of writers that have insanely vowed to draft a 50 thousand word novel in one month. I'm beginning to think i may have gotten myself in way over my head. Not in capability, I'm well aware that If i really applied myself that i could do, but more so in time. I have no time.

I am currently:
-Working on what will end up being a 2000 word analysis of Robert Penn Warren's All the king's men
-Critiquing, oh i dont know, a ton of freaking student stories
-probably doing at least 2 interviews this month
-A couple of freelance writing assignments
-A full time 40 hour per week job

Anyways, I'm juggling my time incredibly well, organizing and managing my priorities like you have no idea.

The best part of all this: I couldn't be happier.

The worst part of all this: Work is very slow.

why this is bad: I spent a large portion of my time sitting in a desk. It is long and tedious and incredibly time consuming. Because it is very slow, i end up spending large portions of my time trying to find something engrossing to do. I write emails, i will soon start attacking a list of phone numbers, I do my shit, a and i still have tons and tons of nothing to do time.

As a result, my tumblr gets a lot of activity. As do my fingers. Carpal Tunnel here I come.

Melo out.

The Truth

Via Source

Supra, come get ya some Melo love

Supra Footwear | Holiday 2008 | Vulk Low

Oh Momma!

Twice-Baked Potato Pizzas

Saturday mornings are always tired and lazy. It takes us 2 hours to get out of bed. I just made lunch, at 3:30.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, my twice baked potato pizzas.

Ingredients:

• 2 large baking potatoes (2)
• 1/2 cup sour cream (125ml)
• 1 cup shredded, Cheddar cheese (250ml)
• 6 slices pepperoni, chopped (6)
• 18 slices pepperoni (18)
• 2 tbsp pizza or pasta sauce (30ml)
• 2 tbsp butter (30ml)
• salt and freshly ground black pepper

Directions:

1. Scrub potatoes and pierce with all over with a fork.
   
2. Wrap potatoes in wet paper towel. Place in microwave on high power setting for 7 minutes or until flesh is tender when pierced. Remove from microwave.
3. In a microwave safe bowl, melt 1 tbsp of butter, until soft and translucent (about 45 secs). Set aside.
   
4. In nonstick skillet add pepperoni and cook on med heat until crisp.
5. Cut potatoes lengthwise in half. Scoop out flesh, leaving a ¼ inch border, into a large bowl.
6. Mash potatoes. Add sour cream, ½ cup of the Cheddar cheese, butter, and chopped pepperoni. Season with salt and pepper.
   
7. Spoon mixture into potato skins.
   
8. Spread thin layer of tomato sauce on potao
9. Top with remaining Cheddar cheese and pepperoni slices.
10. Microwave for 3 minutes, or until heated through.

It rains in florida, all the time.

So I want this umbrella. I found it in the search for a replacement purse.
Why is it so hard to find a purse with tons of pockets, in a color that is easy to combine with anything.
Mierda. gimme.


It will be mine. Urban Outfitters

Kath and Kim Pilot

funny shit.

The Unfinished Swan - A Video Game in Two Tone

By far, one of the coolest things I've seen lately.
Source

p.s.

a big FUCK YOU goes out to the asshole or assholes who threw a brick through my window and stole my purse.

Congrats asshole. You stole an empty purse.

Joke's on you though, cuz im sure you just threw the purse in the garbage. Well guess what?

its worth at least $350.

go fuck yourself.

If Only Televised Political Conversations Were This Humorous

I may be more prone to watch more of them.

HOLY CRAP THE VILLAINS! Show up or i hate you.

**Cross posted like a mother**

Tonight is the second installment of the S.O.S. Concert Series, once again at Suite B. They have ASSURED everyone that the sound system will be fully functional this week. I'm crossing my fingers!

Villains from LA/NYC are on the tables tonight. Yes, you know them, even if you think you don't. They are the masters behind that club-friendly remix/rework of Michael Jackson's Thriller. Except they call it Thrilla.

Smile for Camera has a playlist over on their site (far right side of the page, scroll a bit) with about 6 Villains songs and remixes. Hope on over to take a listen! Smile for Camera

And yes, BOTH members of Villains are spinning tonight. If you made it out to Pulp at Club Czar in Tampa, you've already dropped it low to their set. Remember this?



http://www.smileforcamera.com/galleries/2008-0509villainspulp

Drink Specials on tap for tonight, and they are killer special, I might add:

10pm-11pm 2 for 1 Beer and Wine
11pm-12am 2 for 1 Bombs (Anything)
12am-1am 2 for 1 Mixed Drinks
1am-2am 2 for 1 Hard Shots
2am-3am 2 for 1 Pick You Up off the Floors (no its not a shot, it means you will be so passed out it will require two people to drag you out!)

Doors at 10PM
$5 cover

Photos by Smile for Camera

RSVP for the event over on facebook

EPMD Cutting Runnin Chemists it in South Central for about an Aeon

I'm so behind on everything, I'm cheating at making posts now. Two songs i love:

EPMD - Run It (Sinden Remix)
South Central - Aeon

And an awesome wedsite:

barcinski-jeanjean

And an awesome video:


Cut Chemist - 1st Big Break from eyestorm on Vimeo.

Always an Uphill Battle

I have dedicated the more conscious part of my life to make a good person of myself. I have always striven for the best of which I am capable, dreamed of owning a home, a two car garage, a dog, of vacations, or toys, of a comfortable lifestyle. Despite growing up surrounded by the rich and wealthy, despite growing up in a mediocre luxury, my goals have always been reasonable. I never wanted the 18 room mansion or the 3 bedroom yatch.

This weekend, though, I turned 25. And while the number represents nothing monumental on its own, it was, regardless of my facade of happiness, a deeply sad moment for me. Surrounded by friends and people that love me, I could only think of one thing:

I have failed.

I have failed as a daughter. At 25, I should be done with school, I should be close to offering my mother grandbabies to hold in her arms, I should be able to help beyond the little I do.
I have failed as a friend. At 25, I should have a myriad of people that consider me as such, but because I have high expectations, I lose friends like gamblers lose money. Because I come from a different mold, I drop people that have nothing to offer me quicker than I throw away old milk.
I have failed as a person, At 25, the mediocre mark of my success has barely been made, and it isn't without much scrutiny that you can find where I have left my trace. I am the same person i was 5 years ago, save with a little less debt, a little more common sense, but I assure you it is not for lack of trying.

I would be okay if I had not been trying to succeed in my life. But, I have tried my hardest to get these things accomplished. I did so well in school, so well at work, I taught myself too much. It is unfortunate that the people who dictate your success aren't the same people who wish you well, its a shame that the people who sign your paycheck make sure its the lowest possible amount to keep you sated.

I have plenty of friends without work. And this saddens me, because like me, these are people that have not slacked through their life taking hand outs. These are stable, dependable individuals that have, much like myself, been hurt but something outside of their control. They are individuals stuck in a rut. Employed and unable to more forward, or jobless, highly qualified and unable to find work

There must be a way to change this. I remember when i was a kid in south America, The US stood for so much. Now, 18 years later, it has been stripped of all that once glitters. Now, instead of a flourishing country with endless possibilities, it is a country of failing companies, and a pitiful economy. It is a country where people vote for the lesser of two evils instead of the candidate that is the most meritorious. It's outsourcing, it's money laundering, and it's greed.

What ever happened to everything I/you/we were promised? Why do we fight so much for such little reward?

I'm wondering now, is there anything left for the all me's in the US? is there anywhere left to go for gain? Is gain even still a fathomable possibility?

Yo-Yo Stronger than I am!

Screw those stupid box headed daft bodies girls, and never mind those silly daft hands.

Check Out Master Yo-Yo boy here.



be ashamed of yourself for not having talent like that. Make sure you notice the amazing yo-yo collectiong behind him at times.

Tonight Tonight....

Save Our Scene, Save Our Sound, whatever it stands for, it means the same thing...more fun times, more great dancing and more great music!

"Over the last few months the dance music scene that seemed to be so vibrant has begun to wane" says Republic Pro's Paul. So, in order to continue to bring great DJs and acts to Orlando, Smile For Camera and some other dudes you know is proud to present the first of two events in the S.O.S. concert series!

Hot Pink Delorean (Boston) will be kicking off the movement, tonight at Suite B. Last time they were here, it was a blast. See previous galleries and see the fun everyone had!

SOS Orlando will not be a new weekly night at any one particular club or even on a particular day of the week. What it will be is a chance to grab touring DJs and bring them to Florida when they otherwise wouldn’t be able to. Orlando has now become THE pivitol city in Florida in which a lot of touring DJs base their schedule on. SOS plans to keep bringing the national DJs through Orlando and Florida.

Suite B, the venue these first two events will take place at, has recently upgraded a ton of stuff. The sound system is better, the A/C is better, and most importantly, the drink special are insane!

Check this out!

10pm-11pm 2 for 1 Beer and Wine
11pm-12am 2 for 1 Bombs (Anything)
12am-1am 2 for 1 Mixed Drinks
1am-2am 2 for 1 Hard Shots
2am-3am 2 for 1 Pick You Up off the Floors (no its not a shot, it means you will be so passed out it will require two people to drag you out!)

So. In summary. Come out tonight, like you used to, to Suite B. Party like you used to.

And no, this isn't one more last carnival, just a chance to keep things moving on.

Oh, and FYI, Kcoll has moved (virtually - that is)and joined forces with Myself and others around to continue to remind you of what it was you did that friday night. So, For more information, photo galleries and write-ups check out the new Smile for Camera.

3 degrees of separation - MGMT, Little Boots, Designer Drugs

1. We start with MGMT
MGMT - Time To Pretend EP

2. Little Boots did a video Cover of their 'Time to Pretend' for her youtube channel


3. And Finally, Designer Drugs did a remix of little boot's hit Meddle
Little Boots - Designer Drugs 80s Coke Jam Remix

Enjoy...

Safe for Work - Vintage Porn

Because I was specifically told not to post this, You know I'm going to.




So to recap, here's a little summary courtesy of Matt:

matt: wanna watch the best video EVER!?!?
mayochup: yes!
matt: oooook
matt: don't you go bloggin all over it now like always Link
matt: jk
matt: koala!
matt: pony
matt: piunball
matt: phone
matt: maracas
matt: bongos
matt: harmonica
matt: bass
matt: accordian
matt: tables
matt: viola
matt: drum mic
matt: cannon cake
matt: frosting


Choke film review coming in a bit.

Last Thoughts on Woody Guthrie.

Inspirational Words from and American Icon, inspired by another.

For full transcription, click here

Alanis Covers Fergie and amazing Fart filters

So Ironically enough (heh, thats a joke) This fell into my lap today. I love it, and I don't know why.


Similarly, I got this in an email.

Then, Via This Site
From the brilliant minds at Garment Guard comes our newest product, Subtle Butt. This pack of 5 saving graces effectively filters the odor caused by flatulence: Simply stick it in the right place and you’re ready for a chili cook-off. The “Subtle Butt” by Pond Inc is a fart neutralizer to eliminate smelly flatulence. The Subtle Butt neutralizer filters the flatulence as the wind breaks, absorbing and neutralizing its odor.

We eventually came up with a whole line of Fart eliminators to include the butt kazoo which makes cool sounds and disseminates a lovely odor when you pass gas. Don’t worry I won’t be sad if someone takes this idea and runs with it.

Selected Sources:


1. Subtle Butt

2. Subtle Butt-Fart pads - Gizmodiva.com

3. Strange New Products: Subtle Butt - Fart Pads

Fido

Watch It.

Anger Anger

Now, for some reason, my Sharethis button has decided to stop working. I'm tired of trying to figure out what's wrong with it, so i give up for now.

If you have the answer for me, let me know.

Headline of the Day: Fish Swims into Boy's Penis

If you were a little boy with a sadistic mother from the jungles of south America who loved to instill irrational fear and phobias into your head as a method of behavioral training, its one of those things that you always worried about in the back of your head every time you went to the beach.

Along with shark attacks, piranha maulings, man-o-war stings and pedophiles, wading in the piss warm waters of Miami Beach, every time something brushed past your leg or under your feet, you were about to be devoured, stung, pulled under. As you got older, these fears diminished more and more as you began to develop a more realistic take on life. There were no longer Anacondas waiting to fall out of the trees and eat your aunt Emma.

For this one poor little boy it won't be that easy.

A FISH swam the wrong way when it leapt upstream into a boy's PENIS and ended up in his BLADDER.

The 2cm daredevil caused all kinds of medical problems when it swam through the teenager's urethra.

The unfortunate lad was taken to hospital with complaints of pain, dribbling urine and acute urinary retention.

He claimed the fish slipped into his penis while he was cleaning his aquarium at home in India.

Professor Vezhaventhan and Professor Jeyaraman, who treated the boy and later wrote a paper on the case, said: "While he was cleaning the fish tank in his house, he was holding a fish in his hand and went to the toilet for passing urine.

"When he was passing urine, the fish slipped from his hand and entered his URETHRA and then he developed all these symptoms."

After finding the fish in the boy's BLADDER, the medics insert a special set of forceps down the patient's penis in a technique known as cystourethroscopy.

But the fish was too slippery, so the professors used a rigid ureteroscope with a tool attached – normally used for removing bladder stones.

The fish, which is thought to be a small member of the Betta genus, measured 2cm long and 1.5cm wide.

The patient was later offered counselling.

Now personally, I don't think there's enough counseling in the world that will get that boy back into the water. Given, he probably wont live his daily life in fear of say, squirrels jumping up his ass, but I'm sure he'll be using shower shorts the rest of his life.



My Only Question is, Who holds a fish in their hands while they pee?
Via The Sun

The Disney Genetics Lab and the Creation of a Star

Anyone who was over 20 when Miley Cirus knew that there was something wrong with those disney fuckers. It was just a matter of time before the truth came out.

Via The Onion

Black Kids, The Blog, and Tons of Painted Monkeys.

The Black Kids' story sounds it could be the plot of high school musical 18. Almost everyone knows who they are, and even those that don’t know the words to their hit song, but no one can really figure out how they got where they are so quickly, and almost effortlessly. Its a little reminiscent of Paris Hilton.

Black Kids have climbed the ranks of music’s food chain faster than anyone could ever have imagined. Primarily made up of a few big hitters and tons and tons of little guys, blogging about music has turned into an arena of file sharing, link listing and name dropping beyond what anyone could’ve ever expected. With the words “Black Kids” on everyone’s lips, with a million remixes to boot, the question that has arisen is whether or not Black Kids deserve the hype.

The short answer is yes. When Black Kids released their EPs, the Wizard of Ahhhs, as a digital download in 2007, there was a distinct need that needed to be met in the current indie scene. As Indie music became more saturated, Black Kids arose to meet a need in the scene. Here was a band whose music was incredibly mixable, whose songs could be changed over and over and over again, a band who able to break the barriers of Indie-land and launch a surprise attack on anyone listening. Blogs pick it up and help moving it along. A name like Black Kids only helps that even more.

Recently when band’s keyboardist Dawn Watley took a minute to talk to me, she was in London having just finished the Leeds Festival-Leeds and The Last Days of Summer, mid tour. The light at the end of the tunnel being that the Jacksonville band will soon be making their return to the States, and for the first time, will get to tour their home state of Florida.

Talking to one of the Black Kids, it becomes perfectly clear that Black Kids have an advantage that had helped them get to the top of European and dance music charts. The band members’ individuality, their tenacity and their serious dedication have led to their bands success. They are serious about their work, but they still play simply for the entertainment of it.

Now much of the buzz has quieted down, but the Black Kids are still touring, still chasing their goals. Every so often, a new remix of “I’m not gonna teach your boyfriend how to dance with you” pops up on the blogs. It has become clear that is very possible that the very blog hype that initially threatened to destroy them instead has helped launch them towards becoming what end up as the Beatles of a new generation. And if not, at least maybe the Monkees.

Black Kids have been writing new material while on the road. They hope to be back in the studio soon and plan to release a sophomore album in the summer of 2009. They perform in at the Social this Saturday, giving you a chance to judge for yourself.

Read the full interview up on Orlando Weekly.



Also, if youre the artsy type or just looking to feel incredibly posh, check out the Munny show at Uberbot. The last Munny Show boasted over 200 entries from amazing artists the world over, and there are sure to be lots of awesome entries this time around. For a taste of what you can expect, be sure to check out the gallery from the last show here (its at the bottom of the page).

++crossposted from Don't sleep Orlando

God, I love me some Ninjas

First of all, welcome to my new look. It took a little bit of tweaking and adjusting to get everything done, but I was able to get this and the blog I run for work up and running with only a few minor issues, with getting the ShareThis button to work as my biggest headache (still not working on the other blog). The templates at Blog and Web were a great help and very easy to manipulate and I suggest it for anyone tired of the limitations of their current blogger made ones.

Anywho, before deciding to make my own custom graphic for the top, I spent a couple hours going through all 50 something web page results for ninja pictures.

Boy oh, Boy, did I ever find some interesting things. Take this amazing picture for instance. There are actually crazy people out there who make their pets look like ninja turtles. wow.


Then, because we're all aware of how much I love shoes, there was this amazing find:


Freaking Ninja Turtle shoes! there are more pictures and stuff on the post at Kicks on Fire. Feel free to check them out and get them for me. heh.

Anyways, I should probably stop fucking off and get to work.

I'm hungry. Someone feed me.

You Just Kissed My Mole

Lately I have been thinking that I want to change the name of this blog. There are a couple of ideas that I have been playing around with in my head, but I haven't committed to one yet. I want something more fun, something a little more me. We'll see what I come up with. We'll see what it is that i finally come up with, what i finally decide on, and how long it'll actually last. yay!

Moving on. Sept 25 till the 28th will be a Fun time for me. Kevin, Liza and I (and potentially Katie) will be hitting the blacktop for fun times. We'll be headed to the ATL, for the only Ratatat stop in the southeast. We're gonna hang out the rest of the weekend and see the Georgia aquarium, go somewhere around five points, maaaayyyybe see the Olympic stadium. Then we make our way to the Cut Copy and Presets show at the masquerade again. Should be fun. If you have any suggestion for things to do. Go ahead and let me know.



In other news, I got a new camera today, so look for many more pictures and fun, nerdy fun!

***EDIT: totally just realized that camera does video

moto biru kudasai

Good old Matt handed this one off to me last night. A very good little number if I may say so myself. As I said last night,

me: i dont know what i like more, the song or the little skeleton fucker
matt: right?! it's so super awesome!
matt: ooh so I think I came up with a new alias...

It is really quite entertaining, unlike the convo snippet I just posted right there. I present you now, kokiriko bushi.

4-Letter Words and the Workplace

We curse a lot in my office, and one of our office managers, this woman who happens to be three million years old, is always walking around charging people a dollar or yelling at us to be more proper. Recently she sent me this email, which i thought was pretty funny.

XXX

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

Number 1:

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the fuck you're doing.

Number 2:
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a fucking bitch.

Number 3:
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late .
INSTEAD OF: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?

Number 4:
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No fucking way.

Number 5:
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be shitting me!

Number 6:
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit/fuck.

Number 7:
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my fucking problem.

Number 8:
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?

Number 9:
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This shit won't work.

Number 10:
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the fuck didn't you tell me sooner?

Number 11:
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his ass.

Number 12:
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat shit and die.

Number 13:
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.

Number 14:
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, I'm on salary.

Number 15:
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.

Number 16:
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This fucking job sucks.

Number 17:
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the fuck died and made you boss?

Number 18:
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a prick.

XXX

after reading the email, I sent her a bill for $19.00

The difference between Men with Guts And Men with Balls

GUTS
Arriving home late after a night out
with the guys, being met by your wife
with a broom, and having the guts
to ask, 'Are you still cleaning, or
are you flying somewhere?'

BALLS
Coming home late after a night out
with the guys, smelling of perfume
and beer, lipstick on your collar
slapping your wife on the butt and
saying, 'You're next, Fatty.'

Never Tickle a Sleeping Dragon, Starry Wizards, And the Great Melodic Escape

I know I've been absent, and trying to pass the time and make things okay by posting stories I've been forced to write for school, by posting stupid youtube videos my boss sends my way. Playtime has been taken away from me and It is slightly aggravating. There no excuse for it, I'm sorry (although the Youtube video was incredibly hilarious).

So today, I give you a real post, and to get things off to a good start, an Actual update of things going on in the wide world of melanie. Bullet Style

• We ( a group of close, business minded friends and I) have started talks on getting something together so that a few of us don't have to dedicate our lives to making other peoples tons of money anymore.
  
• Written way too much in the two weeks I've been in school, slacked off on my reading, so far so good
• Had my interview with Dawn from Black Kids - look for that to be up on Don't Sleep Orlando soon. The feature will be published in the Orlando Weekly the week of September 14th (issue comes out wed, Sept 17) and should be available online (I think).
  
• I Made the absolute most delicious Pasta Carbonara from scratch for dinner last night. Yums.
  

By the way, if you ever get to the point where you miss me way soo much you can't stand it and start to cry in bed while crying out my name, don't fret. You can always keep up with the things that I'm enjoying, sites I'm perusing and Images I love suddenly on my Tumblr.

Now for the Fun stuff. OMG Shoes!

LA GEAR X PATTA X CLUB ZONDER



Yeah baby, LA Gear! Remember late in Elementary School when you rocked you LA gear with pride? You went home to watch cartoons and bugged your mom for an erector set or something. You were the Shit! Well now all you nostalgic fucks can get back a chunk of your childhood with the re-release of the line.

More images click:Here

LA Gear's New Website


NIKE AIR MAX 90 (FRUIT TINGLES)


What a great name. For a pair of kicks specifically geared towards ladies, This shoe reminds me of pixie stix and lemonaide.

Full Article: Here


PUMA BASKET II (2) x VAUGHN BODE

Puma has just released a variety of colorways in the Puma Basket model, which is actually a collaboration along with Vaughn Bode. The patterns used on these are basically consisted of four colors, including black, red, grey, and white. They also feature star patterns along th upper, and alothough minimal, along with the simple gloss effect help bring a lot to the shoes.

Kicks on Fire

I totally almost bought these these past weekend in Miami, which by the way, has a great assortment of amazing shoes at the most unexpected places. Vaughn Bode has always been a personal favorite of mine. At just shy of $75, the classic design of this baby is ultra-wearable, and will definitely showcase your amazing taste in art, fashion and shoes.


Now for some tunes for ya:

Mixylodian - River of Milk
Third Wave - Elanor Rigby (Beatles Cover)
Jackson 5, Tittsworth, aned Green - Easy Like ABC (Immuzikation Blend)(zshare)
Autokratz - Stay the Same (80 Kidz Remix)(320)

BONUS SONG:
Because I've made my love for this guy perfectly clear, here are two more gems for your collection.

Modeselektor - Godspeed
Modeselektor - The Dark Side Of The Sun
Can anyone confirm that its Dose One's little squeal on there. <3 him. I can't tell.

Foreigners Beware...Banned Commercials.

I owe you.

And I promise you'll get a good post later.

busybusybusy....

School Work, Sexy Nutella Stories, Post Secrets

The prompt was this:

Review the PostSecret site. Choose one of the "secrets" as a staring point for your own flash fiction. Write a short short story of no more than 750 words. Make sure to create a title.

My choice was this:My story came out like this:

The A-line Skirt

She walked into my room at 8:22 in the morning. The light, at that moment was filtering through my windows already and I needed to be up 20 minutes ago. Before she came in, I could smell toast burning in the kitchen. As she entered, so did the smell of coffee....

Unfortunately, Ive taken this post down so that it can be considered for publication. Stay tuned!

SUCCESS!! This story was recently published on Penduline Press. Read it HERE

I mean really? Are you kidding me?

A couple months ago I flipped my car onto its side, I wrote a magnificent little rant about how my serpentine belt broke two days after getting it back from the shop (and you can read that here). Well since then, it has continued to be nothing but a nightmare with my car, which finally gave up and called it quits with me yesterday.

This relationship with my 2006 Ford Focus has by far been one of the most fruitless, thankless, and difficult that I have ever had. Here is a vehicle, that was bought brand spanking new, with love care and the intention to commit and for what? because four days after I bought someone hit the front passenger side, 8 months after that someone hit the back passenger side. and now, as if that wasn't enough, the car gets a whole brand new driver side, on account of me having landed on it.

Fast forward to now, Ive put about 2000 of my own money into that car, my insurance company another 9 grand. The car itself is only worth about 8, and I still owe 14. but Fuck it.

This Friday, I'm going to get a new car. With absolutely no money to my name, with a clunker of a car that I'm not sure i can even start, Im going to drive out of that Toyota dealership with a brand new yaris. I'm going to pay the same, if not less, a month than I am paying now and everything will be amazing. If the world's previous experience with an angry, bitching Melanie has taught it anything at all, I hope it is the importance of not fucking with me when I'm pissed.

So in the end, as a result of my miserable yesterday, I dropped my Tuesday class and did all my homework for my other classes wrote out my interview with Black Kid's keyboardist Dawn Watley and began to devellop my overall strategy for the feature.

FTW. Thank you.

Steinski - What Was Raymond Doing With His Hands_ (A Soundtrack for a Real Swinger of a Nightmare)

A Whole Other Week

This week marks my third and (hopefully) final return to being a student at the University of Central Florida. Taking Art of Cinema, Linguistics and Literature and the Advanced Fiction Writing workshop, writing for the O-Weekly, keeping my full time job puts me in an inevitably incredibly busy position. The nerd that nerd that I am, I started my reading assignments a week early, which gives me hope for the chance I may be able to cut myself some slack further down the road.

So I take this time now to ask for your forgiveness in what will be an inevitable drop in the frequency of my posts. But believe me, If there is anything in the sociolinguistic history of Mark Twain's The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn that I think you think you'd be interested in, I'll share without qualm. But for the most part, I'll be sure to keep this thing as lively and jumping as I can, because lord knows I don't need to bore you with my educational lessons.

Today also marks the first day of real, unobstructed sunshine since last Monday when little miss tropical storm decided to park its heavy ass over our heads here in central Florida. I welcome the sunshine, but could definately do without the humidity factor.

Jessi's Alcoholic Friends

A wonderful little slide show of what life is like in the O-town downtown circuit. Compiled by Jessi. Meet our friends.

The Return of Krames and The Do Nothing Day

With no work and nothing I can do without getting responses from people who refuse to respond to me, yesterday was an incredibly uneventful and boring day. I succeeded in not setting foot outside my apartment and instead sat with Katie and Kevin and accomplished the following:

• Watched 6 episodes of scrubs - reruns of course
• Watched The Birdcage
• Watched Mystery Men
• Ate Chicken Pot Pie, Omelet with bell peppers and turkey, tuna sandwich, blueberry and cream muffin
• drank coffee and beer (not at the same time tho)
• Updated my Website to include twitter feeds and Tumblr Feeds
• Wrote more of my Feature

It was so intense it made me tired. And i went to bed at midnight. Today I wake up crampy, bloated, menstrual and bitchy. I was tired before getting out of bed.
Nevertheless tonight i will be out on the town for the third appearance of NY based Krames at (rumors have it the last) Carnival.
His last two appearances at Orlando's Wednesday night weekly were arguably two of the best nights for the ongoing event, and this third appearance is most likely going to fall right in with the rest.

Shake off the dust and come out to party with those irreverent carnies. Its bound to be one hell of a party

Daft Punk- What more time- Krames remix

More photos by Kcoll Tonight!

Mondays in O-town

(click for full size flyer)

Every Monday night, there is a group of die-hard, ready-for-the-party kind of kids that gather at backbooth for One of Orlando's longest running weeklies, CRUSH. Its surprising that in a town occupied primarily by transients and tourists, a party like crush would've managed to survive. But perhaps the best summation of its success comes from the man behind it all, Pauly Crush:

CRUSH is special. It's a Monday night in a city whose nightlife is as fickle as its weather. How has it lasted? Why are we still here? It's because of you. It's because the people that come to CRUSH love what we do and they guide us towards becoming better DJs, more informed musicians, and unintrusive marketers. It's because our friends and fans work as hard as we do to make sure every night goes off. It's because our party is not a business. It's a party.

Now, "1,040 Hours of Partying, 2,088 Tracks First Heard at Crush, and 208 Free Kegs Later,
(but still the same F*ckin President)" Crush celebrates its 4th anniversary, which is one hell of a feat.

So come out and celebrate with Pauly, Miss Fit, Justin Scott and E.Strange and all the regulars, the occasional visitors and the new faces, as they welcome the fifth year of the party's existence. Join us in pretending that It's Friday, drinking way too much for a Monday, and waking up on Tuesday feeling like hell. I'll be there, and here's a visual clue to help you find me:Doors open at 10pm but get on the Guest List and get in Free before 11. 18+ welcome. $3 After Midnight. Photos by Kcoll and Kapoow