4-Letter Words and the Workplace

We curse a lot in my office, and one of our office managers, this woman who happens to be three million years old, is always walking around charging people a dollar or yelling at us to be more proper. Recently she sent me this email, which i thought was pretty funny.

XXX

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

Number 1:

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the fuck you're doing.

Number 2:
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a fucking bitch.

Number 3:
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late .
INSTEAD OF: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?

Number 4:
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No fucking way.

Number 5:
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be shitting me!

Number 6:
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit/fuck.

Number 7:
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my fucking problem.

Number 8:
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?

Number 9:
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This shit won't work.

Number 10:
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the fuck didn't you tell me sooner?

Number 11:
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his ass.

Number 12:
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat shit and die.

Number 13:
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.

Number 14:
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, I'm on salary.

Number 15:
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.

Number 16:
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This fucking job sucks.

Number 17:
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the fuck died and made you boss?

Number 18:
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a prick.

XXX

after reading the email, I sent her a bill for $19.00