The Cat Owner's Home Veterinary Handbook

I keep a copy of the Cat Owner's Home Veterinary Handbook next to my bed, not because I think am in way qualified to heal my animals at home, but because you never know when you may have to. I live with three cats, my children, and, like children, they dislike each other at varying degrees depending on the day/time/or amount of food they have eaten in a given amount of time.

The three have lived together for going on 6 months now, co-habitating as indoor/outdoor cats in a fairly large house that stays always open, allowing them to come and go as they please from my fairly large, wondrously green neighborhood. You would think with the amount of space, coupled with the infrequency with which these animals see each other, that they would be able to spend a night, one single night, without bringing down hell, high water and the wrath of khan upon anyone who is unlucky enough to get in their way.

But that's not why I keep the Cat Owner's Home Veterinary Handbook next to my bed. You see, they are unique, these animals, in that in their absolute hell-hath-no-fury-like-a-cat-with-an-attitude scorn, they never manage to hurt themselves, nor either of my family memebers, but only me.

The book therefor, serves as self defense, and often I find myself chuckling at the fact that one of my devils has run off yelping after the 300 page tome has been flung at this tail at maximum velocity, the irony too much to handle for even my half asleep brain. No worries, I never hurt the damn things, primarily because in my state of half sleep, I am much more likely to improperly aim and accurately smash the book directly into my own toe.

I'm pretty sure that my cats are going to one day figure it out, they are, especially Ninja, devilishly intelligent, and take the book away from me before attacking.

Until then, I will continued to be baffled by my cat's insatiable desire to eat my feet in my sleep.

WTF is an Eye Tattoo?!?!

"Just when you think you can no longer be shocked by a body modification, along comes the eyeball tattoo"

Ouch. What is that supposed to be? Click the link (photo). Ouch. ew.

Source

EPMD Cutting Runnin Chemists it in South Central for about an Aeon

I'm so behind on everything, I'm cheating at making posts now. Two songs i love:

EPMD - Run It (Sinden Remix)
South Central - Aeon

And an awesome wedsite:

barcinski-jeanjean

And an awesome video:


Cut Chemist - 1st Big Break from eyestorm on Vimeo.

Headline of the Day: Fish Swims into Boy's Penis

If you were a little boy with a sadistic mother from the jungles of south America who loved to instill irrational fear and phobias into your head as a method of behavioral training, its one of those things that you always worried about in the back of your head every time you went to the beach.

Along with shark attacks, piranha maulings, man-o-war stings and pedophiles, wading in the piss warm waters of Miami Beach, every time something brushed past your leg or under your feet, you were about to be devoured, stung, pulled under. As you got older, these fears diminished more and more as you began to develop a more realistic take on life. There were no longer Anacondas waiting to fall out of the trees and eat your aunt Emma.

For this one poor little boy it won't be that easy.

A FISH swam the wrong way when it leapt upstream into a boy's PENIS and ended up in his BLADDER.

The 2cm daredevil caused all kinds of medical problems when it swam through the teenager's urethra.

The unfortunate lad was taken to hospital with complaints of pain, dribbling urine and acute urinary retention.

He claimed the fish slipped into his penis while he was cleaning his aquarium at home in India.

Professor Vezhaventhan and Professor Jeyaraman, who treated the boy and later wrote a paper on the case, said: "While he was cleaning the fish tank in his house, he was holding a fish in his hand and went to the toilet for passing urine.

"When he was passing urine, the fish slipped from his hand and entered his URETHRA and then he developed all these symptoms."

After finding the fish in the boy's BLADDER, the medics insert a special set of forceps down the patient's penis in a technique known as cystourethroscopy.

But the fish was too slippery, so the professors used a rigid ureteroscope with a tool attached – normally used for removing bladder stones.

The fish, which is thought to be a small member of the Betta genus, measured 2cm long and 1.5cm wide.

The patient was later offered counselling.

Now personally, I don't think there's enough counseling in the world that will get that boy back into the water. Given, he probably wont live his daily life in fear of say, squirrels jumping up his ass, but I'm sure he'll be using shower shorts the rest of his life.



My Only Question is, Who holds a fish in their hands while they pee?
Via The Sun

You Just Kissed My Mole

Lately I have been thinking that I want to change the name of this blog. There are a couple of ideas that I have been playing around with in my head, but I haven't committed to one yet. I want something more fun, something a little more me. We'll see what I come up with. We'll see what it is that i finally come up with, what i finally decide on, and how long it'll actually last. yay!

Moving on. Sept 25 till the 28th will be a Fun time for me. Kevin, Liza and I (and potentially Katie) will be hitting the blacktop for fun times. We'll be headed to the ATL, for the only Ratatat stop in the southeast. We're gonna hang out the rest of the weekend and see the Georgia aquarium, go somewhere around five points, maaaayyyybe see the Olympic stadium. Then we make our way to the Cut Copy and Presets show at the masquerade again. Should be fun. If you have any suggestion for things to do. Go ahead and let me know.



In other news, I got a new camera today, so look for many more pictures and fun, nerdy fun!

***EDIT: totally just realized that camera does video

Jessi's Alcoholic Friends

A wonderful little slide show of what life is like in the O-town downtown circuit. Compiled by Jessi. Meet our friends.

Way Too Much Thinking...

I came up with a theory the other day that people with overactive imaginations like you and I, in order to be creative and remain as such, have to live in a world where the unknown is spun into something, a story with no gaps....when our lives encounter those gaps we go into story mode in our minds and it all just compounds and loops and well, you know where it goes from there.

-M.L.

A product of my upbringing.

Tesla Coils?
Super Mario Bros?
Count Me IN!!

Lonely Hearts, Clumsy Feet

I have always felt expendable. In friendships, relationships, business ventures I always seem to feel like Im just a place holder. Something to fill a blank until the right answer or person or opinion comes along.

Its one of those deep seeded character flaws that comes wrapped in a bunch of loveliness: jealousy, insecurity, anger, distrust. Its one of those things that you work at forever to never change.

I am always scared of ending up alone. Like my mother, whom I idolize.

But, I am loved, always by one person or another, although sometimes in silence. Given value to through the strengths of my friendships and reassuring words. But still I know ill one day be just me, without anything. and I wonder, one day when he or she or they think back, will my memory still be there?

"I'll see you again, here under the mountains, where it only rains by night, and the sky is so great and reaching, it's always inked with the past dawn or the coming dusk. The stars will be our blanket, but we won't need to sleep. There will be only you, me, and the dust, but really only you."

MP3s
"Curs in the Weeds" - Horse Feathers from House With No Home
"Clumsy" - Our Lady Peace From Clumsy
Coldplay vs. T.I. - What You Know, Scientist? (ELLIOT vs. QUIX) (link has been fixed)
M83 - Kim & Jessie (Montag Remix)

The Day that Nothing Changed

I was sitting here for and thinking about storms and randomly deciding out of nowhere to watch you videos of lightingin strikes. There are some pretty amazing ones.
like this shit.


my mouth gets me in trouble a lot. either that or people are too sensitive lately. I'm gonna go ahead and pretend its the latter because its not like everyone takes what i tell them to heart.

Regardless of the consequences of my actions, today i feel as if I have a huge (or tiny depending on how you look at it.) weight lifted off my shoulders. It is good as well as being sad. with of of the former not the latter.

and this video just flat out made me giggle.



ah. pop culture.

Anyways, my Google reader is desperate for some attention right now.

Humor: Aim Logs - When an english major and speech therapist collide

Mayochup: i LOVE her dress

LaceLeyes: ya im not a fan of sequence like u

LaceLeyes: its just so intense

Mayochup: you mean of sequins?

LaceLeyes: ohhhhhhh

Mayochup: because sequence is like the order that things go in

Mayochup: sequins are sparkly things

LaceLeyes: learning something new everyday its true!

Mayochup: lol

LaceLeyes: well it sonly differs by like one sound!

Mayochup: they are homonyms

LaceLeyes: i used to wear sequins all the times

LaceLeyes: no i dont think they are

LaceLeyes: because those are like see and sea right?

Mayochup: no, but youre right

Mayochup: theyre not

Mayochup: homonyms share the same spelling and the same pronunciation but have different meanings.

Mayochup: they dont have to sound the same

LaceLeyes: oh and then homophones are something else too

LaceLeyes: oh my god too much 2nd grade spelling class coming back at me!

Mayochup: no, homophones is right

Mayochup: different spelling

Mayochup: same pronunciation

Mayochup: (btw i cant believe were having this conversation right now)

Mayochup: i wanna marry you

LaceLeyes: hahahha

LaceLeyes: homophones only differ in meaning

Mayochup: yes

Mayochup: youre right

LaceLeyes: right

LaceLeyes: HAHA

LaceLeyes: im like putting it all together

Mayochup: homophones can also differ in spelling though

Mayochup: they are homonyms

LaceLeyes: right

Mayochup: no

Mayochup: im confusing myself

LaceLeyes: sew and so

Mayochup: they are homophones

Mayochup: homonyms are spelled the same and sound the same

Mayochup:homophones are spelled the same or different but sound the same

Mayochup: and have different meaning

LaceLeyes: right

Mayochup: Homographs are words that are written the same way but have different meanings and often different pronunciations

Mayochup: so they are homophones

Mayochup: jesus this is too intense for me

LaceLeyes: right because graphemes are letters

LaceLeyes: hahaha

Mayochup: lol

Mayochup: so um, marry me?

Mayochup:like now?

LaceLeyes: english major right?

Mayochup: ill tell kevin he doesnt have to come over

Mayochup: right

LaceLeyes: when an english major and speech therapist collide!

Mayochup: lol!!

LaceLeyes: THAT should be our slogan

Mayochup: we start haing conversations about glottal stops and graphemes

LaceLeyes: HAHAHHAH

Mayochup: jesus were bad

Mayochup: acutally its glottal stops and homophones

LaceLeyes: i can start writing you letters written in phonemes (sounds)

LaceLeyes: instead of alphabetically

Mayochup: i know what phonemes are, thats an english term too

LaceLeyes: i love doing that actually

Mayochup: do it!! leave me (hope youre ready for this) phonemenal comments!

LaceLeyes: well i can try but i dont have a phonemic alphabet on my computer.

Mayochup: damn it

LaceLeyes: i kinda want david to go home, he’s boring even tho he can sing

Mayochup: cook?

LaceLeyes: oh no i mean not david....that guy in the bottom 3 right now.

Mayochup: oh yea

Mayochup: me too

Mayochup: i didnt like him from the first day

Mayochup: he reminds me of enrique iglesias

Mayochup: and coming from miami that means gay

LaceLeyes: hahah

Mayochup: they are synonyms

The Day Crawls on...

Holy Shit has work been kicking my ass lately. My Boss and Sales partner has been in Vegas since Friday for a trade show, which of course leaves me to sit here and pick up all the pieces of his "in-progress" deals while finishing mine. I realize more and more how underpaid I am and it's not exactly fun. I bitch about it constantly. Read for yourself.

My mother leaves to Brazil tomorrow, and I hate when she leaves because my freezer and my supply of high end imported french foods starts to seriously deplete. I am left to eat ramen and steak from winn-dixie which is just so below me. heh.

Fun Links for the day:
- Piepmatzel.de - Love this site's layout, lots of cool links on it
- A Story on how to deal to with life complete with illustrations
- Babies are funny
- Jin - Amazing Illustrations



How shitty would you feel if you got shot with a Hot Pink, Neon Blue and leopard print AR15?
meh.

Surviving the Week, Getting through Friday

Work today is retarded. So I'm doing anything. I dont know if its because i feel lazy or because i just dont want to try for no reason, but I'm not even really in the mood to write.

So this is today's half-assed attempt at a decent post by someone who has definately not slept enough this week. Thank god for Bullet Points

• My little Selection piece for the weekly was published in this weeks edition. It for tonight's Get Mental at Sky 60. Read it Here
• Orlando's very own Pauly Crush got a mention in Rolling Stone Magazine today for a, ahem, Miley Cyris Remix
  

Miley Cyrus - See You Again (Pauly Crush Stutter To Think Remix)

• So You Think You Can Dance is over, and I am slightly saddened that neither Katee, nor Twitch won, since, in my opinion they both deserved it more than Joshua.
  
• If Satan ever loses his hair, there'll be hell toupee.
• I found a fun little website. Deceiver is fun because its bitchy. It's fun because it details the hypocritical actions of stupid rich people. It's fun because I said so.
• Found an amazing little article about how Pandas are evolutions big fat mistake.
• Found a cool comic about Flight Attendants
• Totaly Want these shoes
• Totally digging this song
  

Anyways I should probably get back to work or something. I know i have to make a quote for some guy in Dubai and this retard on the phone with me stutters so much i could punch him.

Why I Love Having Titties or, The Idiot that Got Scammed at Home Depot

A "heads up" for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you for a ride to another Home Depot. You agree and they get in the backseat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen November 4th, 9th,10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, & 24th 29th. Also December 1st, 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th, 30th, three times last Saturday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful.

P.S. Walmart has wallets on sale 2.99 each

---

Really Guy, You had your wallet stolen 9 times in one month because you were letting home depot tramps fondle you in your car? I'm sure men all over the world thank you for the warning, but women all over the world think youre easy, and stupid.

All of a sudden, I've gotta make an emergency run to Home depot for some, uh, wood. But first, where did I put that Wonderbra?

Humor: Aim Logs - Brazians

mayochup: Kevin and i are a repertoire of music
[H]: you two are
[H]: i just thought kevin took photos
[H]: i didnt know he was the jedi master of house music
[H]: hahaha
mayochup: lol
mayochup: we both we are
[H]: well i can juggle?
[H]: and what!
mayochup: youre asian
mayochup: asians juggle
mayochup: brazilians drink
mayochup: hispanics cook
mayochup: and white people eat
[H]: mexicans plant stuff
mayochup: that doo
mayochup: too*
mayochup: black people pick the stuff that mexicans plant
[H]: hahaha
[H]: speaking of which
[H]: why is their cotton on top of pill bottles?
mayochup: cuz im broke but need cotton balls?
[H]: no
[H]: to remind black people they were cotton pickers before they became drug dealers
mayochup: lmao
[H]: hahaha yeah i know
[H]: that was wrong
[H]: funny and wrong
mayochup: this entire conversation was wrong
mayochup: really, i think im putting it on myspace
[H]: put it up on a bulletin
[H]: and mention my name
[H]: phone number
[H]: and address
mayochup: will do
[H]: and social so the mexicans can steal it
mayochup: ok, can i have your:
full name
phone number
address
SS
[H] Juan Pablo Escobar
407 566 1243
Firestone
501 22 1234
-----

Music: So what if you kissed a girl

I originally wrote this as a post for my other blog, Fuckin Shit Sucks which uses "so what if" a jumping point for complaints. It made me laugh a lot so i decided to repost it here. I'm sick as hell of this song, and I dont really want to hear it ever again.

enjoy.



You know what, good for you Kate. I'm proud that, unlike peaches, you decided to flaunt your wild side by telling us all about the time you kissed a girl, and you liked it. It was really a very wise decision on your part. Especially considering how you look exactly like her. Not being a total bitch about how you love the pussy, even tho you love the cock was a smart move, I can assure you of that.

Still, If I had to choose between your buttery good-girl-turned-lesbo-tramp-on-a-saturday-night-from-drinking-too-much and peaches go-fuck-yourself attitude, the bitch would be tops on my list of black haired songbird girlies i'd wanna make out with.

And don't like, you didnt like it. What you liked is the attention you get from singing about it. The money you get from whoring out your remixes.
Unless you're actually Zoey Deschanel's alter ego, get off the radar.


If you are Zoey Deschanel's alter ego, then good job at being a total failure to your reputation.

Random: Awesoments, Hoffa and Tracks

There are these rare moments in my workday where there aren’t three million pending orders to be entered. The phone stops ringing, I clear my plate. These are the moments where I try to sneak in a bite to eat. These are the moments where I get to run amock through the internet and find amazing shit such as the Periodic Table of Awesoments. These are actually the very same elements that make up your dear dear writer. And I would know, because I’m me.



Via Dapperstache

and then sometimes I get lucky and I find design like this.
Check out that liquid table.



Today in history (or yesterday depending on your source), Jimmy Hoffa controversial convict-turned-labor leader, disappeared somewhere in Detroit. No one really know where he went, or what he did, but I like to think that he stumbled into a diner where he met a beautiful but overworked and underpaid waitress, with whom he fled the city with. They lived for years in a farmhouse, supplying the neighbors with fresh butter every month. Their love was epic.

Of course, this is me being crazy. And he probably got mugged, killed, and tossed into a lake. We honor his life or his death with corny music

Tom Lee - Ballad Of Jimmy Hoffa
Tim Wilson - Help Me Find Jimmy Hoffa


These guys, Plastilina Mosh, I really don’t know what to make of them. They are Mexican. They were formed in 1996. They have several albums out. They get nominated for awards. Me, I just like this song, and wanted to share it.

Plastilina Mosh - Arriba Dicembre

BONUS:
Black Heroes by Ratatat
Richie Spice And Ratatat- Marijuana
The Knife, "We Share Our Mother's Health" (Ratatat Remix)
Insomniac Olympics-Blockhead
Beer-Party Fun Action Committee

Random: Things I discovered so far this week

The kids over at La New Shit posted this little ditty yesterday. Kid Cudi puts down some nice vocals over some Ratatat's Tacobel Canon. Taken from Kudi's "A Kid Named Cudi" Mixtape, the song is a fine example of the vocalist's versatility and resourcefulness.

Kid Cudi - Heaven at Night



Coming soon for Xbox, Midway games announced Mortal Kombat Vs. DC Universe. Lots of cool new moves, lots of old school character. lots of fun, watch the video, its borderline amazing.


Find more videos like this on ENewsi.com

Via ENI

What to say about Phoenix Jukebox? One of the three million blogs I read said that he's trying to be Girl Talk. This made me laugh. But sadly, i laughed because said blog was right and yes, he's not quite there yet. However, According to Him, he doesn't suck. and that's true too. The music is still fun tho.



phoenix jukebox - we goin down
phoenix jukebox - i like it dirty


and oh, how I love Chico Love
Kid Sister - ProNails (Chico Love Remix)

Random: Favorites of the day

Favorite Image:

from: Photoeye

Favorite Website today:
World Wide Fred

Favorite Song of the day:
Diplo ft Rye Rye - Wassup Wassup (ddpesh Remix)


Also, make this make sense to me: Today is The Day

Random: Cell Phones in Korea

This morning, Kevin provided me with a link that took me a little bit by surprise. An article from Switched.com details Korea's plan to remove its ban on using a cellular phone. Tim Stevens Writes:

We take many freedoms for granted, like the freedom to own and use a cell phone. In some countries cell phone use is banned, most notably North Korea, where getting caught on a cell phone is a crime punishable by public execution. But, the restrictive nation is finally starting to lift the ban, allowing its citizens to carry mobile phones.

Cell phones have been banned in North Korea since a 2004 explosion in the city of Ryongchon. Their use fell under other bans that included the distribution of leaflets or contact with anyone outside of the country. The ban on cell phones will first be lifted in the capitol city of Pyongyang sometime this year, and then extended throughout the country later. Egypt's Orascom Telecom will provide wireless service.

Did you catch that? Public Execution. What amazes me isn't so much the fact that cell phone usage was banned, that's somewhat understandable, when you take into account the number of accidents and stupid mistakes that are caused every year because of careless people on cells. What amazes me is North Korea's way to set the example. Even with this ridiculously punished ban lifted I'm sure that people will continue to walk around in fear.

According to Donga, Its been 4 years since the ban was put into effect by the communist regime, and it was only on Feb 18 or this year that the government announced that starting with the country's capital, Pyongyang, and then extending into the rest of the rest country, it was now okay to use a cell.

I wonder how people deal with these issues. and How different life must be for them. I would be seriously angry at whatever god i worship if i got publicly killed because of being on a freakin cell phone.

Srsly.